Dear Baby Bear... (the first trimester)

(A week-by-week message to the little miracle growing inside me)

By now we have already announced that we are expecting an exciting addition to our family.  Baby Bear Macey should be arriving at the end of May, and we are over-the-moon thrilled! 

Week 4

Baby Bear,

​I can't believe I am pregnant! Andrew and I have been trying to start a family for over a year now. When we decided we were ready to start having kids, my body decided that it wanted to do its own thing and randomly stopped ovulating. I went to doctors, tried different medicines, cried longingly into my pillow, heard the news of friends and family who were getting pregnant, and prayed fervently for the day when I might be blessed with a baby of my own.

So, yes, you were definitely a surprise!  I came home from work and remembered that I needed to refill my prescriptions. Before calling the pharmacy, I always take a pregnancy test. I took one quickly, not expecting anything from it (since they always clearly announce "Not Pregnant") ......But not this time. I was shocked when I saw the 2 little lines.  So shocked, in fact, that the next morning I took another pregnancy test just to make sure it had the same result.  (Yes, it did!).

I am already so grateful for you, my little miracle baby. 

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Week 5

Baby Bear,

I told your daddy about you this week! Oh my goodness, I can't believe I was able to hold in such an incredible secret for so long! The day I found out that I was pregnant, I jumped online and bought these cute Papa Bear and Mama Bear t-shirts (hence why you are known as "Baby Bear").

This week we have also moved into our new home in Herriman, Utah. On one of our first nights as home owners, I handed Andrew a little gift baggie and a note. The note said, "We need t-shirts to announce this big step in our lives!" (hoping that he would think I was just talking about owning a home). He opened up the gift and found the "Papa Bear" t-shirt and a picture of the positive pregnancy test. I think it shocked him a little :)   

​At this point, it still seems surreal. No morning sickness or other weird pregnancy symptoms yet.

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Week 6

Baby Bear,

Is it really happening? I still can't quite believe it. I called and made an appointment with a new OBGYN at a hospital literally down the street from where we are now living. I've read some great reviews about this new doctor and I am excited for our appointment with her at week 9. Maybe once I have that first ultrasound it will feel more real.

I also have been downloading all the baby apps I can find onto my phone. There is this awesome one that tells me how big you are every week and gives me daily insights into what is going on with your development.  (This week, you are the size of a ladybug or a small chocolate chip).

Week 7

Baby Bear,

Alright, this week you have been a little tough on my body. I have started feeling more sick (and not just because I also have bronchitis). I feel "blah" basically all day. I don't often feel nauseous, but brushing my teeth has forced me to the toilet a few times now. 

Also, I still haven't told many people about you (including my own family!). I am holding out because my parents will be coming to visit us next weekend and I want to tell them in person. I am sure they are going to be shocked and so ecstatic about the news! 

The few people I have told (a few close friends and coworkers) have been so supportive and excited for me. It has been reassuring to tell them some of my pregnancy symptoms and hear their similar experiences from past pregnancies. It helps it all feel more real. 

Week 8

Baby Bear,

Your family is soooo excited to meet you!  We told my parents last week over Sunday Facetime (I wanted to wait until they were here in person, but in the end, I couldn't hold in the news any longer). My mom cried....like, a lot. :)  I know that our families have prayed and fasted in our behalf many times over the past year, so we are all very grateful Heavenly Father sent you to us. The following Sunday, we had family dinner with the Macey side, and Andrew and I showed up in our Papa Bear and Mama Bear t-shirts. You can imagine everyone's surprise and excitement. You are already very loved. 

This week was really special for another reason. I had my first "real" moment with you. It happened because my sister-in-law, Olivia, dropped off a basket with a few pregnancy and parenting handbooks, books of baby names, and snacks. Included in the gift basket was a little animal sounds book for little kids, and she wrote a little note saying, "To help you get excited for raising Baby Bear." I burst into tears as I flipped through the cardboard pages and imagined holding you and teaching you how to make animal sounds. All of a sudden, it became much more real for me.  This moment makes all the sudden trips to the toilet or trash can definitely feel more worth it (which have unfortunately been much more often this week).

Week 9

Baby Bear,

​Andrew and I were able to see you in the ultrasound! Honestly, you kinda look like an alien blob. But I was enthralled when the nurse showed us your little pulsing heart beat. It was pretty amazing. According to your measurements, you are due to meet us on about May 25th.

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Week 10

Baby Bear,

We met our doctor this week, Dr. Black.  She seems really cool. Our first appointment was so easy and she answered all of my questions and set me up with some anti-nausea medicine.

I got my result from my blood test the next day. I have O positive blood, and apparently that can be a bad thing if you, my little baby, end up having O negative blood. Basically if our blood mixes, my body could see you as an infection or intruder and try to kick you out. Because of that, they will give me a shot at 28 weeks that will ensure this doesn't happen. Hm, I had never heard of this being done before.

Week 11

Baby Bear,

Oh, little one, you really beat up on your mama this week. This week the nausea was unbearable. Then the heartburn started plaguing me and made restful sleep impossible. I have been moody and uncomfortable, and although Andrew has been super patient with me, I'm sure my volatile mood swings have not been super enjoyable for him either.

But, this week was great in another way: we announced your arrival to the world! Yay!!! We love playing games in our house, so we decided to advertise it through one of our favorites: BananaGrams. We wrote out announcement in a Scrabble-like manner and posted it on Instagram and Facebook. Of course, everyone freaked out :)  We are so excited to meet you in about 7 months! (And I am super excited to hopefully get past my all-day nausea in the next few weeks.)

I also told my students about you :)  For Halloween, I wore my Mama Bear T-shirt and pulled up my hair into two top buns (kinda like bear ears....if you can stretch your imagination that much). As my students settled down for the start of the class, I declared, "So, my outfit is more of an announcement rather than an actual costume."  Then I just waited for them to realize the implication. Some caught on almost immediately, while others just stared around the classroom and tried to pretend they knew what was going on. Haha :)  They are all very excited for me.

Week 12

Baby Bear, 

This first trimester has not been easy, but I wouldn't say it was crazy difficult either. Mostly, I have an aversion to almost all foods and can't cook or choose what to eat. I nibble on Saltines or Corn Pops cereal for most of the day and sip on some Gatorade. I do eat more normal, balanced-ish foods at actual meal-times (usually just for lunch), but eating really has been a chore in these last few weeks. I used to cook all the time for Andrew, but now any strong, lingering smells from the kitchen cause me to gag and open all the windows to air out the house. 

Yes, there have been some sleepless nights, some moody moments, some major bloating, some nausea-induced bathroom trips, soar muscles, and quite a few tears on this journey. 

​But...
I am also so, so, so excited for you to join our little family. I imagine holding you close, and reading to you, and singing to you (I apologize already about my lack of singing ability, but you're going to have to endure it until you can form words to tell me to stop singing). I picture what your room might look like if you are a boy, or what I might dress you up in if you are a girl. I can only imagine how you will turn our lives completely upside-down. My world will revolve around you and your eating schedule (yes, I already know it's true). We will grow and learn so much together. It's scary, but it is also so exciting.

Please be patient with me. I love you already.

XOXO,
Mom      (include ugly crying emoji here....oh, and lots and lots of hearts)