Where do I fit in?
I've been struggling to figure out where I fit in.
I know where I am as a mother. I love spending the day with my Gracie-girl. I love holding her as she sleeps and playing with her when she is awake. Already she is growing up so fast and learning so many things. I really do love being a mother and I cherish my time with my baby girl.
I know where I am as a wife. I love welcoming Andrew home from work with a kiss and talking with him about events from the day. I enjoy cooking (although I do not enjoy the cleaning up that comes afterwards) and sharing a meal together as a family. Andrew is also working on an online degree, and I am grateful I can support him in that goal. I love being a wife.
But I don't know where "I" fit in in this new world I am navigating. "I" as in me. My personality. My goals. My personal purpose. My desire for great friendships. My drive to accomplish meaningful things.
I feel a little lost.
And that is also probably why I haven't blogged anything in a long while. I feel like I don't have anything worthwhile to contribute to this blog. My days are pretty mundane: I sleep in with Gracie, I try to do something productive throughout the day whether it's cooking a homemade meal or folding laundry, I watch an unhealthy amount of TV, I maybe take a quick walk to the mailbox with Grace but usually it's too hot to do much more than that, I face-time my mom to tell her (yet again) how bored and lonely I feel, I lay Grace down for a nap and tell myself I should blog or look for a part-time job or hobby but I usually end up napping with her instead, then Andrew comes home and we eat dinner together, he tells me about his day and I find myself thinking, "I have nothing to tell him. My day has been exactly like yesterday, and the day before, and the day before." All of that is definitely not blog-worthy.
So I am desperately searching for my place again.
Is it in a part time job? Is it in a mom group? Is it through exercise? Is it at church? Is it in books?
I don't have the answer right now, and I pray the answer will find me soon.
A (late) Father's Day Tribute
On Father's Day (June 17, 2018), Grace celebrated her 1-month birthday!
And this past Sunday, we again celebrated Grace as Andrew gave her a beautiful blessing in church. We then had a pot-luck picnic in the park with family and some close friends.
Over the past month and a half, Andrew and I have learned a lot. We've learned how to swaddle like pros, how to support each other through sleep deprivation and late-night feedings, how to pump and store breastmilk, and how to strap a baby into a carseat. We've learned a lot about our daughter: that she is a total cuddle-bug, a terribly messy eater, and a very strong little girl (on the day before her 1-month birthday, Grace rolled over from her tummy to her back....3 times!). We've already learned how important it is to rely on our Heavenly Father for support as we pass through the travails of parenthood. Andrew and I have learned a lot about each other and about ourselves as we have taken on our roles as father and mother to our beautiful baby girl.
While I have definitely noticed the changes and growth in Grace, I have also loved seeing the transformation in Andrew. He has always been a loving husband, uncle, son, brother, and friend, but now he has also accepted the call to be a father. And he is already excelling at it. I see his interactions with Grace, and my heart just swells up with so much joy. It is so clear that he adores her.
I am so grateful for Andrew. I am grateful Grace has an amazing example of a true man in her life. A man who loves God and strives to live worthy of heavenly guidance. A man who loves his wife and isn't afraid to say it and show it. A man who values family. A man who works hard to provide for his family. A man who understands the value of education. A man who finds joy in the journey. A patient, kindhearted, humble, fun-loving man. Yep, Grace is so lucky to call such a man her father. I already pray that she will one day be blessed to find such an amazing man to marry herself, but for now, I am content sharing my man with her :)
Thank you, Andrew, for being a wonderful man for Grace and for me. We love you with all our hearts!
Andrew and Maichael
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