Where do I fit in?
I've been struggling to figure out where I fit in.
I know where I am as a mother. I love spending the day with my Gracie-girl. I love holding her as she sleeps and playing with her when she is awake. Already she is growing up so fast and learning so many things. I really do love being a mother and I cherish my time with my baby girl.
I know where I am as a wife. I love welcoming Andrew home from work with a kiss and talking with him about events from the day. I enjoy cooking (although I do not enjoy the cleaning up that comes afterwards) and sharing a meal together as a family. Andrew is also working on an online degree, and I am grateful I can support him in that goal. I love being a wife.
But I don't know where "I" fit in in this new world I am navigating. "I" as in me. My personality. My goals. My personal purpose. My desire for great friendships. My drive to accomplish meaningful things.
I feel a little lost.
And that is also probably why I haven't blogged anything in a long while. I feel like I don't have anything worthwhile to contribute to this blog. My days are pretty mundane: I sleep in with Gracie, I try to do something productive throughout the day whether it's cooking a homemade meal or folding laundry, I watch an unhealthy amount of TV, I maybe take a quick walk to the mailbox with Grace but usually it's too hot to do much more than that, I face-time my mom to tell her (yet again) how bored and lonely I feel, I lay Grace down for a nap and tell myself I should blog or look for a part-time job or hobby but I usually end up napping with her instead, then Andrew comes home and we eat dinner together, he tells me about his day and I find myself thinking, "I have nothing to tell him. My day has been exactly like yesterday, and the day before, and the day before." All of that is definitely not blog-worthy.
So I am desperately searching for my place again.
Is it in a part time job? Is it in a mom group? Is it through exercise? Is it at church? Is it in books?
I don't have the answer right now, and I pray the answer will find me soon.
7/27/2018 06:23:13 am
My sweet friend, it is the hardest adjustment I ever made, and mine was forced, I was laid off. I lost a huge part of who I felt I was, and some real depression kicked in. I found the best emotional help in some mom groups, even though she can't play in the playgroup but you can still feel support from friends. Also don't be afraid to admit you might be a better mom and wife and person if you work. You will be in my prayers, I have walked that path...
I remember posting something very similar after I had my first baby, about how although I was so very grateful to have her and be at home with her, I was totally...bored. I ended up going back to teach for a year, but I knew by the end of the school year that that wasn't what I wanted, either. So I stayed home. And I fought the same feelings again about two years after becoming a SAHM again.
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Andrew and Maichael
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